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July 2010 - Thriving Newsletter


Smiling Couple

Have Fun and Friendship in Your Marriage

Your first date probably went something like this: You met, had dinner, learned about each other, laughed and decided you definitely wanted to go out again. Most people never forget their first date. There was something about that person that drew you to him or her. For most couples, once schedules become routine and time passes, fun doesn’t rank top on the priority list anymore. Why should you stop having fun after you’re married? Your relationship started with fun and was built on friendship. If you haven’t done so since attending the retreat its time to revive the fun and friendship in your marriage!

“Maintaining fun in your marriage is essential to having your marriage last over a lifetime,” said Scott Roby, marriage educator for the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative.

To have fun in your marriage, consider the following steps:

Make Time: Most people schedule work meetings, their kids’ activities and family outings. Why not schedule time to have fun in your marriage? By setting aside time for your marriage, you are making it a priority in your life. Even if it is once every two weeks or once a month, set aside some time to do something with the person you love most in life. You can use the fun deck that you made at the retreat for ideas that are enjoyable to both of you.

Focus on Fun: The second step is to create the rule that you will avoid discussing tense relationship issues or subjects during your date time. This is not the time to discuss money problems or issues with the kids. Instead, plan a different time to discuss these issues so your time together will be relaxing and enjoyable.

Mix It Up: Try things during your dates that you can experience together for the first time. You will gain a deeper bond as a couple in sharing a new experience. Decide on mutually fun things. This is not the time to go on a shoe-shopping extravaganza or attend the gun show for 10 hours. Keep your partner in mind when choosing your date events and remember that sometimes the simplest things are the most fun.

For more ideas about having fun in your marriage, review the PREP® manual you received during the retreat, the trainers probably had you develop your own fun deck full of ideas on fun things to do together. For more information on activities in your area, visit www.wimgo.com or www.travelok.com.


Book Review: Re-Married with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending your Family

by Barbara LeBey

A must read, Barbara LeBey infuses wit, compassion and humor to stand out and give realistic advice for blended families. The central theme concentrates on “putting the marriage first and making your parental foundation strong and eventually everything will fall into place.” Although titled Remarried with Children, the author focuses more on what we interpret as blended families and working through their challenges and different dynamics.

Re-Married with Children offers a variety of options and steps to dealing with everyday challenges. The author reminds us that “Love between step-parents and step-children is not automatic.” It’s a process and takes time.

Re-married with Children is honest and strait-forward, centering on the 10 steps. The book is an easy-to-read, enjoyable resource full of scenarios, action plans and solutions to the most common misconceptions and mistakes newly blended families make.

Thriving Marriages Retreat Alumni!

At some point during the Thriving Marriages Retreat, you heard something about the Vector Principle, the idea that “small changes, overtime, can make huge impacts.” This concept of making a “small change” is much easier than we think. It’s human nature to try to tackle a challenge head on and expect immediate results. Unfortunately, we know achieving results often is much harder than we originally expect. However, if we decide to make a small change, although seemingly insignificant at first, it can make huge impacts on relationships, over-all health or just about any aspect of our lives. Keeping with the spirit of this idea, I challenge you to take a look at one aspect of your life and make a small change. You’ll see it really can make a difference.

In this edition of the Thriving Marriage Newsletter, you will learn more about reviving the fun and friendship in your marriage with a key concept review from the PREP® (Prevention Relationship Enhancement Program) curriculum received during the retreat. You also will find a spotlight on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren; Book Review of Family Minutes: Proven Steps to Successful Parenting and information on upcoming events and workshops sponsored by the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. We hope this newsletter will give you new ideas to nurture your relationship.

Best Wishes,

Kali A. Bowles, M.Ed.
Project Manager
Thriving Marriages