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Expectations by Jack Myrick

Imagine, if you will, a husband who tells his wife that he’s taking her to Dallas to go shopping. On the way, he diverts to the airport and surprises her by saying, “We’re not really going to Dallas. We are going to New York City.” She is ecstatic.

Now imagine the same husband telling his wife he is taking her to Paris to go shopping. When they get to New York City he says surprise were not going to Paris were staying here in New York City. She is extremely disappointed.

What’s the difference. Both times they end up in NYC, yet in one circumstance she’s thrilled and the other she’s very disappointed. The difference is all wrapped around what we call expectations.

Expectations are beliefs about the way things will be or should be. We all have expectations, and in general we are disappointed or happy in life based on how well what is happening matches up with what we think should be happening.

Researchers from the University of Maryland and Don Baucom at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill have identified three major areas where people have expectations about the way things should be in their relationships.

1. Boundaries: Where does the line around us as a couple go?
2. Investments: how much time and effort do each of us feel the other should be putting into the relationship?
3. Control and Power: Who makes which decisions?

How do you know if an expectation is not being met?

Here’s your sign: When you are feeling disappointed in your relationship, some expectation is not being met.

While we certainly will not agree on every expectation, it is important that we try to meet you partners most important and realistic desires. Discussions about expectations can be fruitful and life changing if done in a safe considerate environment.

Technology and Communication in Romantic Relationships:

Increasingly, people use the Internet and cell phones in many areas of life: to manage finances, do business and even more often, communicate with one another. In a Pew Research Center survey of 895 technology experts, 85 percent of respondents agreed with the statement, “In 2020, when I look at the big picture and consider my personal friendships, marriage and other relationships, I see that the Internet has mostly been a positive force on my social world.” The other 15 percent saw it as a negative force. In both cases, the respondents saw the Internet being an important influence in their relationships. The Internet, along with mobile phones, has come to play a part in communications within intimate partner relationships.

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Recommended Reading:
FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE DELUXE Ed. ICON We recommend “Fighting for Your Marriage” by Susan L. Blumberg, Howard J. Markman and Scott M. Stanley. This is the third edition of the original book published in 1994. Based on the widely acclaimed PREP® (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program), this is the perfect book to refresh the skills and information gained at the Thriving Marriages Retreat. The new deluxe edition includes an instructional DVD; updates, revisions, and new content in every chapter; and a completely new chapter on mutual support in long term relationships. Some may find this easier reading. Both books can be found online at www.prepinc.com or other online/local community book retailers, www.amazon.com.

Online Resource:
We will highlight an online resource each quarter. For this edition, we would like to highlight the National Fatherhood Initiative, which can be found at www.fatherhood.org. This website is full of information and resources for fathers, families, organizations and policy makers. Go to www.fatherhood.org to learn the latest on the fatherhood initiative and the organization’s latest article from the “For Father’s.” link.